What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
