oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
