Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
