I like to think it a success when the cops are called
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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