Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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