i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
