Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
