How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
