Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
