I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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