Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
