If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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