I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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