so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
