I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
