Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
