I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
