Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
