you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
