i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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