everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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