Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
