my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
