Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
