My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
