I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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