My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
