"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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