i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you win again, gameday.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
