Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
