If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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