puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
