in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
