we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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