He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
