it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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