just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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