you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
