I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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