Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
