lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
