p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
