Pants 0. Shit 1.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
