She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
