is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
