Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
