So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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