My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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