I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
