More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
