had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
