He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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